Wessex

[anicca]

In his capacity as honorary Fitz-Wattle of the Duke of Edinburgh Award, the Earl has assured us that young boys sign up to this pointless scheme specifically because they might die. This presents a problem for satirists such as myself as it's difficult to lampoon such a ludicrous statement without making reference to the aforementioned newt fancier.

It seems almost as stupid as he is to try and actually frame his more embarrassing misadventures in neat flowing prose, so I'll just list them instead

- It's A Royal Knockout

- The press conference following It's A Royal Knockout

- Not getting kicked in the face by a horse repeatedly until he looked moderately human

- Ardent Television

- Andrew Lloyd Webber

We might also observe that when he married, the Queen chose to bestow upon him the title Earl of Wessex, breaking with the tradition that the children of the monarch are dukes for reasons known only to herself. The last person to hold this title did so for 13 years before being shot in the face and killed.

Edward has been Earl of Wessex for 10 years...